Unfiltered Smoke

a column by Jenn Harrison

The show Wipeout really is just like the internet, but on TV. Every contestant is trying to do something crazier and crazier in order to get talked about, while the other half is desperately showcasing talents in an effort to be “discovered”. So far, I have seen a background singer, a rapping preacher, a woman telling (in earnest) how she was kidnapped by aliens, and a man who made incredible balloon animals. Then, just as I was thinking that this was getting ridiculous and staged, a ‘real’ person showed up: a blonde, haggard, semi-athletic mid-twenties woman, who will not show any dance moves and will be using the $50,000 to “put aside for a house someday” and you realize shit – that is terrible. Thank God they screened these people beforehand, and put the ratio at 95% crazy and 5% athletic/desperate people actually using this show as a viable means of income.

Now, when the main goal is to get your 3 and-a-half minutes of fame, the participants often forget that actual physical challenges lay ahead. So far, I have seen 3 people quit in fear when shown the obstacle course. Suddenly, the game becomes one for those there to win; and those who are out for a good time, to have fun and to get seen. Instantly, I am rooting for the crazy grandfather or the “Balloon Pirate” over the girl who needs mortgage payments. This is fun. Rooting for real people who have just bared their hidden talent of booty shaking against dull, boring reality.

Wipeout is essentially MXC for North America. The formula is the same: two smarmy announcers who insert digs against the participants at will, the nicknames given to each person (SO much easier to remember ‘Balloon Pirate’ than the guy’s name) and the soul-baring interviews. Finally, my beloved show of college years has gotten a bigger budget. Actual muddy hillsides have been replaced with crisp, clean pools of water in pristine filming locations.

All of this money has ensured that, while hard before, these stunts are now insane. Obstacles are programmed much like roller coasters, radio controlled and designed to trip you up. This is Super Mario Land come to life, and it turns out you need to be pretty athletic to beat this game. “Mortgage Lady” might take this.

This is American Gladiators meets America’s Funniest Home Videos. It is two shows in one: the actual physical competition, and the first half, where the pawns were rolled out; trying to get agents and contracts and we watched people baring their ridiculousness before succumbing to the pits of the ’sack launch’.

Wipeout is the epitome of regular joes that have beer guts and a dream, versus athletic, healthy, sensible people.

Besides all of this, the show is perfect for my new television attention span. No complicated story, plenty of drama, and one of the main reasons people gather around the Internet: clips of people getting hurt.

This show has everything! It’s a cross between comedy, action, suspense and sporting event. And it’s cheaper to produce than a show that hires actual writers and a regular cast. All for the measely sum of a $50,000 prize per episode, the audience gets heart-wrenching emotion, real people to root for, a sporting event and AMV/MXC-style hilarity. I remember when people wouldn’t watch any game show that didn’t give away at least a million dollars. No wonder we’re losing scripted television.

Wipeout will become the new standard by which all future game shows trying to take people away from the Internet will be based. And rightly so.