by John McIntyre
Dear Glenn Beck,
Gonna cry? Huh little girl, you gonna cry again? Aww, yeah the world’s a tough place, let it all out you pansy.
Wanh Wanh
Boo-hoo-hoo Jesus isn’t in school anymore and my dirty Mexican servants make my laundry smell like tacos. Don’t worry about the blood coming out your vagina Glenn, you’re just becoming a woman now. Jesus. If you and Edward R. Murrow were cellmates, he’d chew off your skin and stitch it into a festive sombrero.
Dear everyone who watches television,
Balloon boy. That’s what you get for you’re unholy love of reality TV—a little bastard terror child with insane parents who are only interested in their kids as a vehicle for fame. Reality TV has created a culture so obsessed with celebrity that people will go to any length for fifteen minutes on the news. They’re like little kids who’ve been ignored by their parents breaking a vase just to get yelled at—they don’t care if the attention is good or bad. Reality TV stars are generally terrible people (Adam Lambert’s gay), but it’s your fault for watching, and thereby encouraging, that behavior. The Heenes are a monster we all created (except me, I’m not a jackass and I don’t watch reality TV).
Can you say VAPID?
Look at these miserable five-foot stacks of shit. How the fuck can anyone watch shows about a bunch of miserable, whiny, no-talent assholes that do nothing but leech off their parents’ trust funds? The concept for big brother is “a bunch of people live in a house together and have to get off their asses every once in a while,” American idol is a fucking karaoke contest no matter what anyone says, and shitting a railroad spike is more fun than watching the quartertards on America’s Next top model.
Dear Toronto drivers,
What’s with all the vanity plates? Having HAWLA on the back of your Kawasaki super bike isn’t cool to anyone that isn’t a 14 year old white gangsta.
Alright, that is kind of funny, and the guy has balls of steel. Pure, racist steel.
Dear Catholic Church,
Stop telling people in AIDS ridden countries that condoms are evil. People are going to fuck, lets start putting some rubber between their disease infested crotches so orgasms don’t come at the price of slow and painful deaths.
Weeeeeeeee!
Dear school boards in the US, PEI, Yellowknife and possibly other provinces,
Forcing people to censor images of guys’ junk in Japan almost instantly led to the creation of tentacle rape porn in exactly the same way teaching abstinence in school almost instantly leads to butt sex.
*I’m pure like the Jonas brothers, ‘cause as the bible says in 1st Ephesians, 6:9: And yea, God spoketh, “ass banditry be kosher, holmes.”
Dear crazy Christians,
Either have full on vag sex or do nothing. Technically, according to your horseshit religion, butt sex, oral sex, kissing, heavy petting, even thinking about sex, are all considered sin. Here’s a real quote to back me up: “But I say unto you, that whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already,” Matthew 5:28. And from 1st Corinthians, 7:1, ” It is good for a man not to touch a woman.” So if any lust is sinful, and if all sin is equal (James 2:10 “For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it”) then butt sex, and other versions of sex, are as bad as regular ole’ premarital missionary. There’s no way around it, and if you’re going to take the bible literally you have to take the whole fucking thing literally, you crazy asshats. Your ass-fucking is making the baby Jesus cry.
Just let your imagination run wild here.
Dear Japan,
Seriously, what the fuck?
1820. This picture was made in 18-fucking-20.
Dear Seth MacFarlane,
Congratulations on ruining jokes that go on for too long. You’re the first person in the world to have actually broken a form of comedy.
HOW MUCH LONGER!?!?
Also, having Cleveland get his own spin-off because he’s the black character in a family-centric comedy is a funny reference to The Jefferson’s (a spin-off of All in the Family). But it’s not worth making an entire show around that premise, goddamnit.
Dear Leafs,
0 and 7, seriously? I can’t even look people in the eye anymore.
Yup, that’s us.
Dear Dear Asshole,
Seth MACFARLANE is the dude from Family Guy.
Seth Meyers is the dweeb who does Weekend Update now on SNL.
That is all.
Fuck, thanks for pointing that out. I was looking like an asshole.
Next week you’ll have to write yourself a letter.
but I agree Family Guy is terrible
There is an issue of videogame magazine “Play” that has a cover inspired by that Japanese painting. Leave it to gaming geeks to go crazy for japanese anime chicks fighting tenticled monsters. As much as I love 2D art, I’m a little creeped out by the cover.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/08/fri-free-part-2-tentacularly-sexy
Fixed!
Your joke about Glenn Beck and female menstruation is disgusting and misogynistic. You should be ashamed. Not only was it as far away from clever as one can get but it exposed you as a woman hater. For someone who likely considers themself to be rational and forward thinking (hence all the anti-religious rants) I am sure you can detect the irony here.
Furthermore, it is the responsibility of those who run this site to prevent hateful messages from entering it. Racism, misogyny, homophobia and other types of discrimination are not parts of creativity and have no place on a website aimed at bringing out the creative side of people.
It was bound to happen sooner or later. Opinion pieces always come under fire especially when dealing in a tone of sarcasm or even anger.
I pride myself on the fact that I do not censor opinions and I also want to make clear that any article posted on unfiltered smoke is the opinion of the author. I may not agree with what is written but I give people the opportunity to express their own.
To the specific point at hand, the Dear Asshole column is edgy on purpose and the comments are intended to be taken with a grain of salt. I can’t speak for John of course, but that’s how I have taken it.
I appreciate any criticism that comes our way but I will not remove something from the site because it has been deemed offensive. South Park constantly pushes the boundaries in comedy making jokes about abortion, murder and bloody underwear to name a few. Unfiltered Smoke is not South Park and neither is Dear Asshole. In this case a joke missed its mark in the eyes of a reader and was considered inappropriate. Instead of removing it I wanted to discuss it.
Dear Asshole is a column that pushes the envelope and on occasion may go further than people want to see it go. This is the point of the comments. John does not actually promote misogyny, homophobia or discrimination, contrary to what might have been interpreted by this article.
I encourage everyone and anyone to simply drop a line here to start a discussion about anything you like or dislike about any article on the site. Free discourse is one of the most important part of the site.
I would also like to point out that it is the only article that is counter to the flow of thought of the rest of the site which promotes the greatness in art and creativity and that’s a good thing. To have a different perspective, even if it may go over the top of what some call good taste, is exactly that; a different perspective.
Email me or post more comments here and hopefully John will join us so we can fully discuss this issue.
Thanks for understanding,
Jason
Matthew, as an editor of this site I feel I should comment on this. First of all I’d like to make it completely clear that neither Jason or I condone or appreciate sexism, homophobia, racism or any other type of discrimination. I don’t want to speak for Jason, but I can say with confidence that we both think discrimination and hatred are among the most disgusting human inventions. We don’t intend for this site to promote hate or negativity. On the other hand, as I’m sure you know(and I hate to use the term, but…) censorship is a very slippery slope. It’s a fine line to walk and we try to remain tasteful without snuffing someone’s creative voice or neutering their art and sometimes our judgement may fail us. I know you didn’t come right out and say we publish hate speach, but it seemed kind of implied and I want to make it clear that is not our intention. As you said, our mission is to promote creativity.
Having gone over the article I can see the point you are making. The Glenn Beck joke was pretty tasteless. You make a valid point about the sexist implications and personally, I agree with you.
However, Dear Asshole is obviously meant to be a sarcastic article, I think it is unfair to make a personal judgement on the author, saying that he has exposed himself as a woman hater because he made a joke that was more offensive than it was funny. I don’t know the author personally, but I Don’t think he’s trying to be a biggot. I think the article is offensive and extreme by design, and it seems more than anything that the author is trying to call out biggots and negative parts of our society using his own negative slant as a vehicle for humour. Humour itself is a pretty subjective thing, and sometimes jokes work and sometimes they don’t. I can think of a lot of comeidians who use negativity to great effect. Bill Hicks comes to mind. There was a lot of negitivity in his humour but he had a positive and wise message behind it. my personal opinion is that perhaps the underlying message of Dear Asshole could be more clearly laid out so it doesn’t come across as hateful. I don’t think that was the intention behind it and I’m extremely interested in what the author himself has to say about this.
In the meantime I think that discussion is more positive than censoring Dear Asshole.
It exposed that I use satire.
I once had this landlord who was from Turkey. If I can be allowed to make a sweeping uneducated assumption, then apparently there are places in the world where the people have no concept of sarcasm. Whatsoever. Everything said is taken seriously. It must suck to have no sense of humor, huh? I guess some people just take shit for granted.
Jason, though you justified including dear asshole on your site, you seemed to concede to this guy that it doesn’t fit with your general scheme of promoting creativity, whatever, etc. It’s not painting flowers, but getting off a sweet burn is an artform that everyone can appreciate. I’m not much of a fan of this guy’s stuff myself, but it’s lean, balanced, and has rhythm. Besides, anytime you’re putting words together for effect, you’re flexing muscles, right?
Satire and sarcasm are not excuses to say whatever we want. And the Glenn beck comment was a pure insult by comparison, not effective satire or sarcasm. The writer sought to humiliate Glenn beck by comparing him to a woman. Nothing more nothing less.
Bill HIcks and George Carlin pushed the envelope and said a lot of things that they shouldn’t, but we all laughed and they got away with it. I don’t think Dear Asshole can be seen as innovative, edgy or extreme and thus any means of justifying it on those grounds fall flat.
Racism need not wear a white hood or goosestep around. Mysogny doesn’t need to be on the extreme side either, it can be a latent attitude that appears in the use of jokes like this.
Dear Asshole is generally good for two or three laughs in each posting. I certainly don’t expect the writer to give up or start cleaning their act. But attempts to insult other people that, at the same time, insult people in this way should be discouraged by this site and by the author himself.
Alright fine I’ll weigh in.
Right before I made the vagina comment I wrote “my dirty Mexican servants make my laundry smell like tacos.” Just keep that in mind..
I can see why you consider the Glenn Beck joke misogynistic, but I’m not making fun of him for being like a woman, I’m making fun of him for having the emotional stability of a teenage girl entering puberty. That’s different and that’s fair. And your right, it is meant to be pure insult, I hate that jackass because he helps make America dumber. He deserves to have insults hurled at him.
I’m not trying to be George Carlin or Bill Hicks, and neither of them said a single thing on stage that they shouldn’t have.
I was just about to present the exact same arguments, but John beat me to it. I second everything he just posted.
I went back and read the other dear assholes and found it weird that the Glenn Beck joke was the main point of contention. in 4 articles, John has managed to bash tons of groups and idiologies..It doesn’t seem to me he’s picking on women. in fact he seems to expose himself as someone who hates discrimination,the extreme right wing and homophobia. He also obviously writes in character of someone who reacts with more vulgarity and venom than the author himself does. I really don’t see how he singles out women, but I do understand how that particular joke could be read that way. If people don’t find it funny or it offends them, they don’t have to read it. He has the right to say anything he wants and he isn’t advocating violence or hatred.
Also, I’m not comparing Dear Asshole to Bill Hicks or George Carlin, but I couldn’t just let that bit about them slide. John is right neither of them ever said anything they ’shouldn’t’ have and the reason they got away with it wasn’t just because it made people laugh but because it made people think. It took balls to do what they did and they were champions of free speach. they disected our language and the insanity of what we deem offensive. They showed us that we need to get over ourselves.
Thank you sir, my point exactly.
John has consistently attacked homophobes and homophobia, and for that I applaud him.
I don’t think he has ever targetted women before. I am not accusing John of singling out women. I don’t believe that to be his MO.
Of course the joke/insult was directed at Glenn Beck, however it can only be considered insulting or funny if we consider the thing Mr Beck is compared to to be a bad thing. If I call Glenn Beck a steaming pile of excrement we all get the joke because we all consider that to be a bad thing. The joke is therefore double pronged.
The idea that Carlin and Hicks never said anything wrong is so preposterous I don’t even know how to address it really. As much as I love and respect their comedy they crossed lines on many occasions.
Freedom of speech is necessary, nobody would argue that here. But it isn’t and hasn’t ever been unlimited. Unfortunately many people use the concept of freedom of speech to justify saying whatever they want. Freedom of speech ends when it is used to harm others (hate speech). Hate speech does not need to cause physical violence to harm others, it can intentionally or unintentionally aim at degrading their very dingity as a person or as a group of people.
There is also a particular hypocrisy here as well. Condeming homophobics and then uttering misogynistic statements incompatible because both are symptoms of heterosexual patriarchy that demands adherence to its narrow forms of masculinity and femininity with dire consequences for straying outside those boundaries. Second, to ridicule homophobes for uttering insensitive statements and then call out for freedom of speech when one has made insensitive statements is a hypocrisy. Again, you admittedly wished to humiliate Beck, easy enough to do, and to do that you at the same time humiliated women. Regardless of whether or not your aim was to be insensitive to women you made the comment.
One last thing. I think that pretty much exhaust anything anyone of us is going to say. I don’t think the argument can go any further. I think our heels are dug in now.
I am frustrated in two points. First that John is unwilling to admit that what he said was wrong and insensitive.
Most importantly I am frustrated that “free speech” is again being used as a safety valve to allow people to say whatever they want and never be in the wrong. That’s not what it is for.
jesus
Thanks for lobbing me the ball there Matt.
If you’re going to start trying to drop that rights trump card you might want to figure out what the hell you’re talking about—you’ve got a fundamental misunderstanding of the balance of rights. The harm principal isn’t used to determine the limits of freedom of speech, and harm does not equal hate speech (plus hate speech requires intent, so you’re way off in your definition). I have the right to harm people with words all I want as long as what I say is true, or is satirical, or is anything outside of the very narrow limits put on speech by the Canadian government (limits that sync up very closely with global human rights regimes). I won’t bother listing all those limits or going into the case law, but you can trust me when I say no court or human rights tribunal in the country would even think about considering that statement or my article to be hate speech. Plus, a tyrannical limiting of free speech for the sake of avoiding hurting people’s feelings is a much greater threat to rights then an internet columnist making a few off-colour jokes.
I also don’t need you to explain why you think the statement is misogynistic. Obviously using women as an insult insults women, I assumed that’s what you meant from the start. But I’m not using women as an insult—just because I said the word vagina doesn’t mean I’m making a blanket statement about women. I’m comparing Beck’s emotional stability to a teenage girl hitting puberty, that’s only insulting because he’s a grown man and shouldn’t blubber on live TV,not because there’s something inherently wrong with a little princess starting to get mother nature’s monthly gift. It’s not like calling him a pile of shit, that’s a bad simile. It’s more like saying that a bad figure skater has the grace of an o-lineman. O-lineman aren’t supposed to be graceful, so it’s only an insult to the figure skater.
Now for the sake of the editors I’m going to restrain myself and not balance out the boring part of this post with jokes about your wang and mild threats of sexual abuse, but I want everyone to know that I really, really want to.
One last thing. Don’t tell me when my argument is over. Jesus it’s arrogant to assume you’ve said all that can be said about an issue.
When I proclaimed the argument over I wasn’t telling you that you had nothing to say but that nothing either of us was going to say would change the other’s mind about this issue. And you have proven me correct on this.
Thanks a lot for not mocking my penis size or churning up any sexual abuse history I may have had. I want you to know that I restrained myself as well. I look forward to your next post on life’s little foibles. I hope you tell us to burn our pants next time.
Well, for it to be an “argument” in the first place you have to say valid things that use logic, counter your opponent, do shit like that. Not sticking your thumbs in your ears and trying to find a cheap way to have the last word. No one likes a bitch. Go back to reading your homo propaganda, and next time you stumble on an “insensitivity”, on our friends website whos just trying to share some shit for fuck’s sakes, let someone smarter do the lynching.
From a woman’s perspective: The effects of the blood coming out of your vagina statement manifested itself within my subconscious in the form of a night mare that I was bleeding to death (from my vagina). It was not a good feeling. Those who do not menstruate should probably leave that topic alone (maybe?). I don’t mean to be crass, but that was a little over the top and I live over there-over the top.
On the other hand, Stephen King said that he would rather make someone vomit because of something he wrote than to have no reaction at all. So? I guess, in its own twisted way, it’s good writing. Offensive to some, but it generated reactions left and right, did it not? I woke up from this dream rather impressed-freaked out, but impressed. Call me crazy.
Thanks Judy, I’ll take that as a compliment.
Er… Jody
Judy is my mom.
You’re welcome, though.
“I hope you tell us to burn our pants next time.”
Funniest thing on this whole page!