by John McIntyre
Dear Asshole is a weekly column by John McIntyre sharing his angry and often politically incorrect opinions on everything ranging from pop culture to politics. It has a tone of sarcasm in case you didn’t notice. The opinions below reflect his views and not neccessarily those of the rest of Unfiltered Smoke, however funny we may find them.
Dear Gilles Duceppe,
Shut up. Shut the fuck up. You lost the goddamn war you smug little prick, we’ll give you the land back right after you return it to the First Nations. Quit making it so easy for the right wing you selfish, power-hungry bastard.
My party’s success is predicated upon the faults of our bullshit first past the post electoral system! Vive le Québec libre!
Dear Stephen Harper,
Like seeing Obama standing up against Iran with Sarkozy and Brown at his heels? Feeling snubbed little buddy? Sorry, you’re not a wartime Consiglieri, Tom.
Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper, crying ever so softly
Dear Michael Ignatieff,
You are in it for yourself. Every politician is in it for themselves, you hawkish man-bird. We don’t need an election now, and the Conservatives will still win a minority because your party fucked up so much in Quebec. And another thing. True and Patriot Love? That’s what you title your new book? What the hell do you think you are, Canadian Jesus? Christ that’s corny.
I think this picture speaks for itself.
Dear Jack Layton,
Go back to Russia you commie-pinko bastard, was Gorbachev a tender lover? Socialism equals Satanism Jack, didn’t you get the memo? We’ve got to get that bloated government off our back–all the regulation has given us a serious lack of ponzi schemes and mortgage crises. What’s the NDP ever done anyway? Universal health care and stronger unions, more like universal hammers and sharper sickles, am I right?
That shirt originally said NDP but I cleverly replaced it a hammer and sickle. It’s a joke you see, implying through hyperbole that Jack Layton is a communist.
Dear Elizabeth May,
You’d better win that seat next time or you’re screwed, and the party’ll probably go down with you. Man running against Peter MacKay was stupid. That may have been your only shot and you blew it.
Ah-yuk.
Dear Toronto,
I’m sick of walking through random clouds of a stench I can only describe as “fart juice.”
Couldn’t find the picture of him shooting at a cloud of flu virus
Dear Olivia Wilde,
So what if your husband’s a handsome, successful musician, filmmaker and prince? I got heart baby.
Too much sexy.
Dear Fame remake,
Jesus Murphy are you unnecessary.
Maybe they had todo something with all the gay left over from the first one?
Dear David Cronenberg,
Why are you remaking The Fly? Videodrome, Scanners, Naked Lunch, Eastern Promises, you’re the goddamn bastion of great Canadian filmmaking, and now you’re remaking your own damn movie? Are hamburgers going to start eating people? Nothing is what it seems!
Too creepy to make such a shitty move.
Dear Hasbro,
Stop making every goddamn toy and board game into a movie you asshats.
Tool.
Dear live action Barbie movie,
*cough*
