Horror Movie Top Ten List #2: Giant Monster Movies
They all laughed when I suggested we put electric fences around the kitten-frog compound... Now we're all as good as dead!
by Isaac Thompson
Why hello there, I didn’t see you come in… Frankly, you’re lucky I didn’t shoot you. I’m an avid gun collector and I startle very easily. Also, it’s rude not to knock. But since you’re here I might as well welcome you to part 2 of my 10 part series about great horror movies. Today I’ll be taking you through the wonderful world of nature…run amok!
Hell yeah! It’s Giant Monster Movies!
The kind where huge beasts chase after girls, floss their teeth with subway trains and crush the puny military with their fiery laser breath! These kinds of movies are always lots of fun. They’re the kind of horror movies you can enjoy with the whole family, meaning they usually don’t rely on gore or sex like many other types of horror films so they’re less likely to traumatize children or offend old people. (No offence, old people)
So why don’t you make yourself at home, have a look around and enjoy yourself. Just make sure to stay the hell away from my gun room.
Top Ten List #2/10 : Top Ten Giant Monster Movies
Giant Monster Movie 101:
- The first movie to feature giant monsters on the loose was Harry Hoyt’s “The Lost World” (1925). It’s a silent film based on Arthur Conan Doyle’s 1912 novel of the same name about a land where dinosaurs still roam. The film features groundbreaking special effects by Willis O’brian, a legendary stop-motion artist who would go on to work on King Kong. Not only was it the first movie to feature giant monsters on the loose fucking shit up for the little guy, it was also the first movie to be shown on an airplane. The best part is that film stock of the day was made of super-flammable nitrate and the airplane it was shown on (a London – Paris Flight in April 1925) was made largely of wood. The Lost World was so amazing that people of the day would gladly risk being burned alive in mid-air to see it. Nowadays the movie is public domain, so you don’t have to risk spontaneous combustion to see it, you can watch it in it’s entirety by clicking this handy link.
- Common themes of Giant Monster movies include man vs. nature, fear of science, the consequences of atomic weapons, the uselessness of government and military to protect the citizens, the dangers of humans tampering with powerful forces and fear of invasion from a foreign threat.
- Godzilla is easily the world’s most famous and instantly recognizable giant movie monster. He has starred in 28 films in the last 50 years. He was created in Japan in 1954 as a metaphor for the shit America pulled in Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Japanese movie goers ate it up, it did what horror movies do best; it let them exorcise their fears in a fun, safe and cathartic way. Soon after that, some jackass American film producer got their hands on the distribution rights. They change the giant lizard’s name from Gojira to Godzilla and edited in clips of American actor Raymond Burr so the movie would be 50% less Japanese and 100% less intelligible. Godzilla has proven to be a timeless character. He’s appeared in everything from Saturday morning cartoons to Hollywood remakes to lunch boxes and action figures. He’s captured the imagination of children world-wide. However, Godzilla has never, ever, ever starred in an even half-way decent movie, so this is the last I’ll mention the tall, talentless pseudo-tyrannosaur.
It's not that easy being green.
# 10. Tremors
[1990]
Starring: Kevin Bacon, Fred Ward, Finn Carter, Michael Gross, Reba McEntire and Victor Wong
Written by:Brent Maddock and S.S. Wilson
Directed by: Ron Underwood
What it’s about: Two bumbling handymen,Val and Earl (Kevin Bacon and Fred Ward) from Perfection, Nevada decide to skip town for bluer skies (but honestly, I don’t see how you can improve on a place literally called “Perfection). Before they can leave, Perfection is attacked by giant subterranean worm creatures called “Graboids”. Sure that’s a stupid name, but that’s where the stupid ends. This movie totally rules.
Why it’s good:I loved this movie as a kid and was a little nervous about re-watching it for this article. Sometimes re-watching beloved movies from my childhood is an enjoyable nostalgic experience (Monster Squad only gets better as I grow older), and other times the films are so horrendous they make me wonder if I spent my entire childhood tweaking on L.S.D. (I’m looking in your direction, Garbage Pale Kids.). With Tremors, my fears were lifted, it’s more fun than a movie has the right to be.
The giant worms are a cool adversary and there are a lot of thrilling action scenes, but the biggest strength of Tremors is it’s characters and ensemble cast. The comedy duo of Val and Earl is played to perfection. They are the giant monster movie genre’s very own Laurel and Hardy. Michael Gross is dead on as Burt Gummer, the resident gun nut (and my personal hero). Reba McEntire is fantastic as Burt’s survivalist-nut wife, and she rocks the end credits with a catchy pop-country number. The professional ass-kicker Victor Wong plays store owner Walter Chang, a shameless business-man always looking out for a quick buck.
Tremors is a surprisingly smart, hilarious and thrilling movie. It’s well worth your time, I hadn’t had this much fun since my “Twilight” book burning party.
trailer? I hardly know her…
# 9. Q: The Winged Serpent
[1982]
Starring:Michael Moriarty, Candy Clark, David Carradine and Richard Roundtree
Written by and Directed by: Larry Cohen
What it’s about: New York city (a city which has the crummy luck of being a preferred destination for giant monsters on the loose) is victim to a giant mythological beast who has been resurrected by a satanic cult. The police try and put a stop to it while a small time criminal (played brilliantly by Michael Moriarty) has found out where the creature’s nest is and is trying to blackmail the city for information.
Why it’s good: Although Q has it’s flaws, (it’s a mix bag of ideas, some work and some don’t) It has imagination to spare. The urban setting and 70’s hairdos give this movie and endearing drive-in Grindhouse feel. Michael Moriatry’s performance is fantastic especially for a movie where half the cast seems to be sleepwalking through their lines. His character is one of those snivelling two-timing weasels you love to hate and hate to love.
The creature effects are outdated and unconvincing, but that doesn’t stop the movie from being a hell of a lot of fun. It’s one of the bloodiest giant monster movies out there. Quinton Tarantino has said on many occasions that this movie was one of his inspirations for Reservoir Dogs…how cool is that?
Q has one of the best taglines ever. “Its name is Quetzalcoatl… just call it Q, that’s all you’ll have time to say before it tears you apart!”
…Fuck yeah!
# 8. The Beast From 20,000 Fathoms
[1953]
Starring: Paul Christian, Paula Raymond, Cecil Kellaway and Kenneth Tobey
Written by: Fred Freiberger, Eugène Lourié, Louis Morheim and Robert Smith
based on a story by Ray Bradbury
Directed by: Eugène Lourié
What it’s about: A long dormant dinosaur called a Rhedosaurus is awakened by nuclear bomb tests north of the Arctic Circle. The dinosaur makes his way to, yup, New York City. Once in the city he proceeds to crush, kill and destroy.
Why it’s good: Ray Harryhausen, the stop-motion genius behind “Jason and the Argonauts” and “The Seventh Voyage of Sinbad”, makes any movie worth watching. His effects are astonishingly great, especially when you consider how much time it must have taken to film. The beast from 20,000 fathoms is pure 50’s monster movie gold. It’s the first movie to have a giant monster attack as a result of atomic weapons, it created the genre in the same way “Halloween” created Slasher movies.
Trailer, Trailer, rolly polly trailer!
# 7. The Host
[2006]
Starring: Song Kang-ho, Byeon Hee-bong and Park Hae-il
Written by: Baek Chul-hyun and Bong Joon-ho
Directed by: Bong Joon-ho
What it’s about: An irresponsible American Military pathologist orders a bunch of formaldehyde to be dumped into the Han River. What results is a giant fishy-frog amphibian monster that eats people.
Why it’s good: The Host has the distinction of being the highest grossing South Korean film of all time and like any good giant monster flick, it is roller-coaster ride of a movie. It smoothly adds effective comedy and drama to the proceedings. The monster in the film is really cool. I like how the creature is big, but not so big he can’t interact one on one with a character at a time. This really helps create tension in the moments of peril.
The host is a touching story about the strength of the family unit. It plays all the right dramatic cues but still has the monster movie madness we all crave. The final reel of the film is truly outstanding, displaying the film’s impressive effects and beautiful lighting. It also comments nicely on how shitty America’s military presence in South Korea is. If it weren’t for the American military there would be no giant monster movies.
Yes, I’m aware that there is also a book by “Twilight” scribe Stephanie Meyer called “The Host”, and no, I’m not the least bit amused.
# 6. Cloverfield
[2008]
Starring: Michael Stahl-David, T. J. Miller, Jessica Lucas, Odette Yustman, Lizzy Caplan and Mike Vogel
Written by: Drew Goddard
Directed by: Matt Reeves
What it’s about: Normal dude McEveryman, Rob is leaving his home in (surprise, surprise) New York City for a job in Japan. At his going away party, which is being filmed by Rob’s buddy Hud, a sound like a bomb goes off and the power goes out. Turns out, New York city is being attacked by a giant, bloodthirsty monster….again. You’d think by now New York would have a solid contingency plan for this kind of thing.
Why it’s good: Cloverfield was released in a hurricane of hype, at first it had the world by the balls and then split seconds later the internet backlash had begun. Now that all the hype, anti-hype bullshit is over, the movie is allowed to speak for itself and Cloverfield is a great monster movie.
It has a few drawbacks, mainly the reality star throwback cast/romantic subplot and the handy-cam gimmick. Like Blair Witch, [Rec], and Diary of the Dead, Cloverfield is presented as if it were filmed by one of the main characters. This can work to amazing effect in certain horror scenes, but also weighs heavy on the suspension of disbelief threshold. Cloverfield is one of the better handy-cam horrors.
The Sept. 11th metaphors and imagery are laid on thick and impossible to ignore, I think this works in the films favour. Some deem such things to be insensitive, but I believe horror movies should dissect our greatest fears and the worst of humanity. That’s their function. Cloverfield takes the anxiety of the 9/11 attacks and explodes them to cartoonish proportions, allowing the viewer to safely explore the world they fear.
Cloverfield rarely strays from the common genre conventions. Still it is an enjoyable ride and has some truly astounding moments. The special effects are fantastic and once the action kicks in the film is an intense thriller that you can easily lose yourself in.
Super Producer/Director J.J. Abrams (the man behind the T.V. show “Lost” and the awesome new Star Trek movie) is one of the modern masters of fantasy/adventure films and I consider Cloverfield to be one of the best giant monster movies of the decade. I’d like to see a sequel where the Cloverfield monster fights the giant fish-frog monster from “The Host”!
Neat-O trivial tidbit: Cloverfield has subliminal nods to other famous movie monsters who have attacked New York in the past. Any time the camera starts to flicker or goes to static, you can freeze-frame it and find single frames from classic monster movies such as “The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms”, “King Kong” and “Them!”.
Watch this trailer and notice how the faint, sulphury smell of hype still lingers.
# 5. The Incredible Shrinking Man
[1957]
Starring: Grant Williams, Randy Stuart, April Kent, Paul Langton and Billy Curtis
Written by: Richard Matheson
Directed by: Jack Arnold
What it’s about: Grant Williams plays Scott Carey, a man who shrinks, incredibly.
Why it’s good: Screenwriter and novelist Richard Matheson is easily one the best horror authors of all time. He was one of the first guys to take horror out of the haunted castles and gothic settings and into modern suburbia. Along with “the Incredible Shrinking Man” he wrote the novels “I am Legend”, “What Dreams May Come”, Stir of Echoes and “Hell House”. He wrote the screenplay for Stephen Spielberg’s first film “Deul” and Roger Corman’s Edgar Allan Poe adaptations. In his spare time he wrote every great Twilight Zone episode, including the one where William Shatner sees the monster on the wing of his plane.
The first thing “The Incredible Shrinking Man” has going for it is it is a brilliant story. I don’t want to give too much away because it’s such a great movie with such an original plot that you have to see it for yourself. It’s a fast paced adventure with chills and thrills but it also has a lot of heart and at its core is an exploration of existentialism. The special effects were outstanding in their day and still look impressive to my jaded 21’st century eyes. In 1957 they didn’t need things like C.G.I or Megan Fox to make a movie, they got a great storyteller and paid him to tell a great story.
While it’s not exactley a giant monster movie, it still has many of the genre’s conventions. The difference is, in this movie the giant monsters are every day household creatures like a cat or spider. This only works to the film’s advantage. To me, there would be nothing scarier than being mouse-sized and having a cat chase after you… Have you seen what cats do to mice? It’s disgusting.
See this movie! Orsen Wells agrees.
# 4. 20 Million Miles to Earth
[1957]
Starring: William Hopper, Joan Taylor and Frank Puglia
Written by: Bob Williams and Christopher Knopf
Directed by: Nathan H. Juran
What it’s about: After a manned mission to Venus, a specimen is brought back to earth. The specimen, a mysterious egg, soon hatches a small creature. The earth’s oxygen causes the creature to grow and grow at an alarming rate and he goes on a mad rampage in Rome, including a climax in the coliseum!
Why it’s good: Like “The Beast From 20,000 Fathoms”, this movie features the amazing stop motion work of Ray Harryhausen. You’ll shiver as you see the giant alien creature level cities, you’ll gasp as you watch the creature in a bitter death-match with an elephant. That’s right, this movie features a giant monster fighting a fucking elephant.
Case closed.
They really don’t make ‘em like they used to.
# 3. Jurassic Park
[1993]
Starring: Sam Neill, Laura Dern, Jeff Goldblum, Richard Attenborough, Joseph Mazzello, Ariana Richards, Martin Ferrero, Bob Peck, Samuel L. Jackson and Wayne Knight
Written by: David Koepp and Michael Crichton based on the novel by Michael Crichton
Directed by: Stephen Spielberg
What it’s about:uh, it’s about Dinosaurs!
Why it’s good: When I was 10 years old, Jurassic Park was my religion. I’ve seen this movie a million times and it’s never lost its magic. The effects are top notch, they really haven’t been topped since. Spielberg was at the top of his game in 1993, the year he made two of the best movies of all time; Jurassic Park and Schindler’s List.
Although it’s marketed as an adventure for children, Jurassic Park is a thrilling and at times, frightening film. Spielberg is one of the all time masters when it comes to big budget, high concept films with heart and a human core.
This is one of those movies that everyone knows and where every scene is iconic. There’s the scene where the T-Rex attacks one of the land cruisers (One of my all time favourite giant monster sequences.), the wickedly intelligent Velociraptors, the thrilling climax and of course, Jeff Goldblum!
If you haven’t watched Jurassic Park, there’s no excuse for you. Your best bet is to discretely sneak out of the room, walk down to the video store, rent the movie (all the while acting like you’ve seen it many times), and then secretly watch it with the shades drawn. Once you’ve finally watched the movie you can go back to pretending you’re not the biggest goon on the planet.
Here’s the super-lame trailer for a super-awesome movie
# 2. Jaws
[1975]
Starring: Roy Scheider, Richard Dreyfuss, Robert Shaw, Lorraine Gary and Murray Hamilton
Written by: Peter Benchley and Carl Gottlieb based on the novel by Peter Benchley
Directed by: Stephen Spielberg
What it’s about: An oversized shark is eating up the residents of Amity Island. The town officials refuse to shut down the beaches due to the fourth of July tourist frenzy, so it’s up to the police chief, a plucky marine biologist and a hardened shark assassin to put things right.
Why it’s good: It would be much easier to write what isn’t good about Jaws. But since I can’t really submit an article that says nothing, I’ll try and quickly encapsulate the amazing feat of human expression that is Jaws.
Jaws is a perfect movie. Every scene, every performance, every camera angle, every goddamn shot is completely brilliant and inspired. This is the movie that put Stephen Spielberg on the map, It’s the first ever summer blockbuster, It’s one of the few monster movies that is universally loved by audiences and critics.
Jaws done changed the game.
It’s really all been said before; Spielberg’s direction is literally genius, the musical score is one of the most iconic and effective scores of all time, the character development is natural and thorough. If you haven’t seen Jaws you should really stop reading this and do so immediately.
Here’s an interesting trivia tid-bit I discovered during my research: In his later years, Jaws author Peter Benchley was so ashamed of his portrayal of sharks and it’s effect on their reputation that he became an outspoken defender of sharks. He became a member of the National Council of Environmental Defense and a spokesman for its Oceans Program. In his own words :
“The shark in an updated Jaws could not be the villain; it would have to be written as the victim; for, worldwide, sharks are much more the oppressed than the oppressors.”
As much of a fan I am of Jaws, I have to say that Benchley is right. The perceived threat of sharks is almost entirely fictional. Human beings are wiping sharks out at an alarming rate and this could cause real problems for everyone. I highly recommend checking out the documentary “Shark Water”. It will break your heart.
# 1. King Kong
[1933]
Starring: Fay Wray, Robert Armstrong and Bruce Cabot
Written by: James Ashmore Creelman and Ruth Rose based on a story by Merian C. Cooper and Edgar Wallace
Directed by: Merian C. Cooper and Ernest B. Schoedsack
[2005]
Starring: Naomi Watts, Jack Black, Adrien Brody and Andy Serkis
Written by: Peter Jackson, Fran Walsh and Philippa Boyens based on a story by Merian C. Cooper and Edgar Wallace
Directed by: Peter Jackson
What it’s about: A film director who specializes in exotic nature adventures takes a crew and a beautiful actress with him to skull island where they encounter the mighty Kong, a huge ape who’s just looking for love. They bring Kong back to New York… not a good idea.
Why it’s good: We’ve arrived at the #1 position on my countdown and it’s a tie between King Kong and King Kong! That’s not a typo. Both the original and the Peter Jackson remake are beautiful films.
It’s a classic beauty and the beast story, it speaks of man’s total disregard for nature and fixation on greed and exploitation. King Kong isn’t just one of the most tragic monster films, it’s one of the most tragic love stories of all time.
Both versions are brilliant in their own ways. The original smacked 1933 audiences in the face like a fist to the jaw. No one had ever seen anything like it and it is one of the most important movies ever made. Fay Wray’s performance will make you fall in love with her, and King Kong’s demise will make you cry.
Peter Jackson’s remake keeps the flavour of the original, but expands on everything. Jackson created a breathtakingly sprawling adventure movie that ranks as my favourite film of his. Most horror movie remakes are abominations and better left forgotten, Peter Jackson’s King Kong is every bit as good as the original.
There are no words for how I feel about the King Kong films…there are, however, trailers.
